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Seat belts on for the roller coaster ride!

by | Jun 15, 2018 | About Me, Inspirational

My life’s journey has been an alchemical transformation bringing love out of pain and healing out of trauma

 

The underlying current has been a process of reclaiming my uniqueness, remembering who I am while incorporating an executive manager side with my shamanic healer skills.

My name is Valerie Shakti Bottazzi. I am a woman who has had the courage to leap into her soul’s calling blending the cultures within me (Argentine, Italian, American) as I discovered who I wanted to be. I am an honest deeply transparent woman, lover, mom of 2 teenage boys, heart centred entrepreneur, life coach, courageous, fearful and fearless, creative, colourful soul in a human body. All of these words describe me partially; they are a label for a small part of the complex being I am… just like you.

I believe we can ALL live a life of joy and purpose. That is why I chose to walk my talk by embracing my entrepreneurial side as a life & success coach for divine profesional women over 40 so they can overcome their limiting beliefs in order to believe in themselves and their power to succeed. The way I do this is with my coaching programs.

Change is the only constant

 

If there is one thing that characterizes my life is “the roller coaster ride”. As my mom to this day tells me how amazed she is at the many sudden twists and turns my life has taken.

As life evolves we all learn that change is a constant and that every single event in life has a teaching for us if we chose to open up to it. In Japan the videogram of crisis represents “danger” and “opportunity” and this notion immediately felt true to me when I discovered it. My fabric is made out of the multiple threads of my lessons learned.

I learned the hard way that being a hyper-achiever was a way to cover for my lack of self worth

Since I was a teenager I gave it my all to succeed at whatever endeavor I pursued. I thought I was being inspired by my soul and passion, but I was thoroughly mislead by my belief that I wasn’t worth it….except this belief was buried deep within my subconscious and manipulating my desires in a robotic manner unbeknownst to me. Without realizing its hidden power I set out into life to be the best at everything I did, getting straight “A”’s in education, winning at sports activities, but I always needing to reach for more since the gaping whole of my worthiness could never be fulfilled. Only true awareness would one day heal the wound of perceived unworthiness.

Integrating both sides of my being, feminine and masculine, was the result of an amazing inner healing no longer keeping myself divided in two

For most of my life I have felt inadequate, a fish out of water, a square peg in a round hole…. and I have felt divided in half. On any given day or time I would either embody my business savvy woman or my shaman spiritual part. I lived my life happily for many years in the corporate business world with my male side taking over as I lived in a lopsided way albeit bringing on success in the material world, which as in a daze fuelled me to keep going … for a while.

In and out of this journey I would take time to go into an “inner quest intensive” period, I took yoga retreats, participated in meditation camps or in shamanic rituals. As I immersed fully into my soulful side I experienced immense joy and magic, but coming back home was hard.

Keeping myself divided in two as I was coming out of these retreats and stepping back into my daily routine became harder and harder. Before leaving these retreats I would cry my guts out thinking of returning to daily life. My body was talking to me but I wasn’t listening much at the time. Having to keep my true nature hidden was killing my spirit and making me suffer. I would go onto my business trips and cry some more in my hotel room.

This suffering made me understand I had to do something about it and thus my deeper journey started.

Every person and every situation that are present in my life at a certain time are here because I have called upon them

The first powerful awareness that created an important shift of consciousness was when I understood that “every person and every situation that are present in my life at a certain time are here because I have called upon them”. Accepting this made me realize that the same way in which I called these manifestations (I didn’t use to give them this name), I could also change them. This was an empowering new way of looking at things even though at the time the responsibility of it seemed a bit overwhelming.

I also discovered so many people are living divided in the same way I was. I therefore changed the way I interacted with others, showing my inner truths even in normal business transactions. Most important I found out people welcomed my candid approach and the opportunity to contact this lighter side of being. I became happier to be alive and more in synch with the integration happening within me.

Doing was my drug

I have endured anxiety attacks when fear was so strong it ate at my solar plexus and ripped my heart as I stood over the precipice knowing the only solution was to let go completely and I was not able to at the time.

I have sought all types of strategies… mostly doing. Doing was my drug, I “knew” that if I kept moving and doing things I was “in control”…. Nothing farther from the truth. I meditated, I wrote in my journal, I walked in nature, I did yoga, I took courses, I read books, I loved and I TRIED to trust and then I did some more…but fear won for a very long time…. And in the end, nearing the turning point, fear was so subtle it masked itself in all kind of tricky feelings or thoughts. Sneaky little thing, the ego tried to trip me at every step of the way.

I bucked and resisted, and tried to let go, and did and didn’t. I was not able to comprehend in the depths of my being the difference between doing and being. Being. Simply being. No other thing needed. It scared me to the core! The solution is so easy yet not simple to implement. Letting go COMPLETELY of control and in total trust just BE.

This suffering made me understand I had to do something about it and thus my deeper journey started.

Things began to shift

I am a happy mom of 2 boys, now 16 and 19 and proud as I watch them become themselves. I made a difficult and wise decision 11 years ago when I divorced from their father, and when I was the sole breadwinner as a top executive in a multinational Corporation. The decision was to drop that lifestyle and be close to my sons, I chose to be THERE as they grew into becoming men of value.

At the time I was living in Italy having been born and raised in Argentina and having lived in California for 8 years I took the broker’s license courses and became a Realtor in Tuscany.

They were not easy years, hardship had many faces from lack of material means with the crash of the world economy, rough emotional roller coaster through disagreements with my ex, healing old wounds, and reaching for my inner truths. I have experienced depression through hopelessness, shame, abuse and overwhelm when no solution seemed possible from my perspective.

Taking a leap of faith was fundamental for my transformation

Taking a leap of faith is such a huge part of it. I didn’t know the HOW when I decided the WHAT but I knew that since this is the calling of my heart, the path would have been revealed at the right time, and sure enough it happened and it is still happening.

I started to learn what it means to take action with specific intent. I began to make specific changes and choose my words carefully with clarity regarding what I wanted the outcome to be, and true to my new reality, things began to shift, people that had a different belief systems left my life, synchronicities happened, and at the same time I continued to change and to perceive my own life differently.

My life as I knew it had to die so the new one could have room to grow

An urgent need to embark deeply into my soul’s journey coming out at the other end vulnerable, female, softer, stronger.

It changed everything, the way I look at life and therefore my dreams and goals. I couldn’t stay one more day living the life I had lead until that moment. I had a desperate need to be of service to help my soul sisters discover what has been revealed to me.

Having opened up to the truth of who I am, recognizing that I am spirit that seeks expression through my soul in my body I remember love, I remember that I am one with all of you, I remember we are one.

It is a journey into remembering who I am, who we are

Through pain I have learned that when I feel stuck, desperate and devastated, it is because I FORGET WHO I AM, in those moments I forget we are one and I feel “separate”. It is the “separation” that brings over the doomsday feelings.

I don’t live my life as in “a rosy every day is wonderful” way. I put myself on the line and I challenge my comfort zone and days like today are a bit harder.

It is a journey into remembering who I am, who we are.

It wasn’t always like this, on the contrary, I have lived in the illusion that we are separate, within the matrix of submission giving away my control to the outside world… to my parents, to my spouse, to my boss, to the banks, to whatever happened around me…Speak of limiting beliefs!

Looking at these beliefs, starting with the ones that made me suffer the most, has been a fascinating part of my journey and I learned that unfortunately I am not alone, most of our paths are similar in one way or the other.

Expect magic as the logical consequence of trusting life TOTALLY

Fast forward to the present moment.

A new awareness, a new level of consciousness, my boys no longer little guys but each a “manboy” in transformation, an amazing soulful life partner by my side, and my whole system telling me I couldn’t keep living a life that was not centered in my heart.

I now deliberately choose my empowering beliefs.  And here I stand, now at 53 years old, waking up every morning so serene, at ease, loving, trusting and joyful that I surprise myself.

I now understand what it means to live in the magic, to expect magic as the logical consequence of trusting life TOTALLY.

As I touch and live this space full of heart and purpose I now know MY WHY

It is about knowing my reason, knowing my why, knowing that I am living my purpose, that I am here through a lifetime of choices, whatever they might have been, without judging them good or bad….these choices have brought me here, to this date, with my joys and my pains. I can see clearly that every single thing that I have lived through has enriched my understanding of human nature.

My why is that I yearn to help my soulful brothers and sisters to be able to do the same, to walk their own journey and put forth their unique dreams and their unique gifts. I know that this life of grace and ease is available to each on of us. The answer is truthfully at the other side of fear.

As I touch and live this space full of heart and purpose I yearn for you, and you and you … to be able to share this joyful space with me.

My wish is for you to listen to your inner voice, to follow its lead and to create waves for other people to shine bright. I deeply believe in this, I believe we are here for a reason and that each of us is important and special.

I would be honored and would love to work with you so you can tap into your magnificence and overcome whatever is keeping you from flowing with all your might.

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I believe in the powerful life force that manifests when we are in alignment with our heart and dreams. I feel it is my time to give back to the world through my set of skills and qualities. Life is an adventure worth living and sharing it is a must!             

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Valerie Shakti Bottazzi